Category Archives: Funny Money Stories

Christian Loubouti-ehs?

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I had a very unchristian financial and ethical crises over Christian Louboutins. In case you don’t know, Christian Louboutins are extremely expensive ladies heels. They are gorgeous and did I mention that they are expensive? A “cheap” pair starts at about $600 a pair. Celebrities like Oprah wear them. How do I know they wear Christian Louboutins? Because the outside of every sole is painted a bright red color. So whenever I see a picture of a celebrity with bright red soles, I know they are wearing Christian Louboutins.

I was finally able to reconnect with an old friend who has since become a very successful fashion designer. She invited me to her 40th birthday gala at her mansion in Brentwood. This was a triple threat to my economic self esteem. I had to look amazing.

That’s when I hatched my unethical plan. I had a pair of black pumps and I thought, “I’ve got it! I’ll take them to a shoe repair place and have them dye the soles red! It’s brilliant!”. I was honestly very excited about my fantastic plan until I pitched the idea to my husband.

Him: So the idea is to mislead people into believing that you’re wearing an expensive designer pair of shoes?

Me: If they see the red soles it’s not my fault that they jump to the conclusion that I’m wearing Christian Louboutins.

Him: So you’re misleading people right?

Me: No. You don’t understand. They will assume I’m wearing Christian Louboutins. And you know what they say about people who assume. So the onus is on them for making an erroneous assumption.

Him: But you are suggesting to them that they are expensive designer shoes when they’re not.

Me: Exactly.

Him: That doesn’t seem very… I don’t know…Christian.

Me: You just don’t understand.

But after praying about it I realized my husband did understand. He understood that I was going to do something slightly sleazy because I felt less than. I also thought about it from Christian Louboutin’s point of view. How would I feel if people copied my designs and didn’t pay me? He has a business and employees and marketing costs, advertising, you name it. No, if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak, I wouldn’t like people taking my ideas without compensation.

This realization also helped me select a reasonably priced dress although I did borrow 5 dresses from a friend as back up choices. I obsessed over what to wear and spent way too much time trying things on and off.

But the real kicker was this. When I got to the party it was dark outside. Not to mention cold. And even though there were heat lamps everyone kept their jackets on all night long. There’s no way my fauxboutins would have been visible anyway! And the dress I obsessed over never even saw the light.

My jacket was a very inexpensive satin trench I bought years ago. And that was my fashion statement. I had a marvelous time and no one commented on anyone’s clothes or shoes.

It seems I was the only person concerned with the shoes and the fashion when all that really mattered was that I was reconnecting with a very dear friend.

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Reading The Directions

     My husband does something that I used to find highly odd and unusual. Whenever we brought home a purchase, he actually read the instruction manuals that came in the box.  My scenario with any new purchase used to go something like this:

  1. Buy something I needed right away and couldn’t wait to own, on credit.
  2. Bring it home and curse while I tried to open the box. How dare they try to keep my hastily purchased item from being damaged! Did they actually value the item?
  3. Throw all those “stupid papers” away.
  4. Curse some more.
  5. Put new item in back of my closet because it didn’t work; or try to return it without the proper receipts.
  6. Repeat steps 1-6.

     Imagine my surprise when my husband read the instructions and things would work beautifully.

     Imagine my surprise when I read that any late payments on my credit card would cause my interest rate to jump to 22%!

     Imagine my surprise when I finally read the directions for my life in the bible.

ACTION: Gather any and all documents related to your debt. If you have unopened envelopes, pray to the Lord for the courage and the strength to open them. 

READ THEM!(Especially the fine print)

PRAYER: Lord, thank you for making the directions for my life in ‘bold print’. I don’t have to read the fine print to receive your love. It turns out that what I see in you is what I get. You don’t try to trick me into following you and for that I am grateful.

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